Syd Swan drank too much Unknown Grouse
And next day really felt like heck
He woke up with a headache
And a knot tied in his neck

A ring of cygnets laughed and sneered
“ ’S one for the record books!” they hissed
“Can we get you another gin
And tonic … with a twist?”

“Get knotted!” Syd retorted but
He swiftly wished that he’d stayed mute
The irony of his remark
Evoked a hearty hoot

His granny flapped an angry wing
And snapped, “You silly twisted boy!
When will you learn that too much booze
Is not a source of joy?”

The moorhens came, in uniform,
And drove him off to Sheepshank jail
They gave him only straw to eat
And wouldn’t grant him bail

In court, the beak looked down and said,
“How did you get in such a state?”
Though tongue-tied, Syd made his attempt
To set the record straight

“The bird behind the bar bragged
She had nectar of the highest grade
That shames 5th Boulevard Cold Duck
Alas! I was betrayed!”

“She slipped a pill into my drink
And took me lakeside for a walk
She said neckties were all the rage
From Swansea to New York”

“And so, Your Honour, I became
A victim of her twisted plot
When I came to I had more than
My knickers in a knot.”

“That’s hard to swallow,” said the judge,
“You’ve shamed us all, without a doubt
I’m sending you to rehab
Until you get straightened out!”

From “A Pun – My Word!”