Cudd the bear (whose middle name was Lee)
Lay dozing in her lair
While musing ’bout her cousin
Fuzzy Wuzzy with no hair
Who endured the teasing of his peers
At Cubs when he was small
And who froze at night on camping trips
With Scouts when he grew tall
“’E wasn’t fuzzy, wuz ’e?”
Thirty times or more each day
Is enough to make a hairless bear self-conscious,
I would say
So he dreamed about a name-change
And an end to all his blues
Which is why young Cudd lay musing,
’Cos she said she’d help him choose
As she pondered London station names
None really seemed to stick
And a hindu meditator or a bungle –
They’re just thick
Mr Heath, the ex-Prime Minister’s
Is far too commonplace
While a funny-smelling-sounding name
Is hardly filled with grace*
Cudd Lee wondered where he was –
He’d disappeared on Christmas Eve
All those endless fam’ly gatherings
He found an awful peeve
Lots of nephew cubs and niece cubesses
Staring at his skin
(Well it’s bad enough with strangers,
Let alone your kith and kin) –
Even so, three weeks is longer
Than he’d usually roam
And she simply couldn’t bear it
If he never made it home
Barely had she entertained
This horrid possibility
When a hairy figure hollered,
“Hey there Babe, I’m back – it’s me!”
“Spell me wrong and call me naked!”
Sputtered Cudd Lee in surprise
Fuzzy Wuzzy – ’e wuz fuzzy!
Cudd could scarce believe her eyes
“What the Dickens have you done,
You great big fuzzy wuzzy lump?
And what happened to your forehead?
Ouch! That looks a nasty bump.”
“While I strolled down by the river,”
Fuzzy said, “near Montreal,
This mad scarlet-tunicked copper
Chased me into urban sprawl
I was running through the suburbs
With the Mountie in pursuit
When I noticed Dr Kojak’s
Clinic For The Unhirsute
In I dived, and as I did,
I banged my head upon a beam
When I woke up I was hairy
Just as if it were a dream!”
“Oh my hat!  My hatted hat!”  Cudd squealed,
“My sweet late sainted aunt!
You’re the only bear in history
To have a hair transplant!”

* For the bearly illiterate: Paddington, Yogi and Booboo, Edward and Pooh

From “Out of the Frying Pun”