I bought myself a dachshund, which
I thought was rather clever
No, not the dog, the choice I made,
The dog’s the dumbest ever

I named it Bratwurst (it’s a brat)
And stubborn as my brother
I’m glad I purchased only one
I almost bought another!

He needs a roller skate to walk
Or else his stomach drags and scrapes
I think that he must surely be
The butt of some mad breeder’s japes

He barks at nothing – ALL the time –
My next-door neighbour’s fuming
He eats more than a starving horse –
He never stops consuming!

But with consumption at one end
Expulsion from the other
Enshrouds my lawn from end to end
Which quite upsets my mother

He ate a helium balloon
When 6 months – nearly 7 –
His high-pitched yelp so funny as
He floated up to heaven

We never saw that dog again
That, too, upset my mother
She says that I’m too quick to judge
And I should get … a beagle, a poodle, a labrador, a cat, anything but another bleep bleep dachshund!