Woody the woodpecker started to pout
Fed up with wood-wood-wood day in and day out
“It beggars belief that this life could excite,
I cannot endure it, this bark has no bite!
The root of my problems is painfully clear
I’ve got to branch out to a distant frontier
Enough of these boring days — thirty trees pecked
That isn’t the way that a bird gets respect!”
So Woody the bored pecker ventured to dream
He couldn’t be av’rage, he would be the cream
“Look! Is that a crime-fighter, is it a plane?
No, no! It is Superbird conqu’ring again!
[Thinks;] Tinny the tinpecker — that wouldn’t work
And potty the potpecker sounds quite berserk
But Rocky the rockpecker: that would impress
With Steely the steelpecker no one would mess!”
So off to the city he flew with a squawk
Ignoring his mother’s plea, “Peckers will talk…!”
He howled with derision, “I don’t care a hoot,
The foot will soon be in a different boot!”
It wasn’t too long before Woody was back
Enduring their barbs and a barrage of flak
His feathers were ruffled, his beak skew and bent
Half-starving and humbled, he had to repent
They showed him no mercy — they all had a go
From high in the pecking order to the low
It’s not every day that the chance comes along
To poke fun at a dreamer and prove that he’s wrong
“Mallow the marshpecker — that wouldn’t work
And Jammy the jampecker sounds like a jerk
Hmmm: Spongey the spongepecker: that don’t impress
Hey Gemmy the squashpecker — you look a mess!”
Though Woody the woodpecker knew he had failed
He never complained and he never once wailed
He learnt and he grew from his foolish mistakes
Cos to be a success, that is all that it takes
The rest of the peckers are still in the woods
But Woody stepped out and delivered the goods
He’s famous and feels just as proud as can be
“A-huh-huh-huh-huhh-huh, I’m on the TV!”
From “Out of the Frying Pun”