Poems Archive

Lagga the quagga is stoned out on dagga
Extinction? Such rumours he thinks are a farce –
It wasn’t the hunting put paid to his grunting
But chewing the wrong kind of grass

Did you ever see anything zanier
Than these marsupials from Tasmania?
They sit on their haunches
And thrust out their paunches
With snouts that a crowd o’

Fudgy the budgie is no longer pudgy
His owner has bought an adorable cat
If you looked like lunch, I’ve a Notre Dame hunch
You’d be trying to lose all your fat!

Sometimes when deep in thought and musing
Life seems backward and confusing
It happens mostly, I detect
When on mirrors I reflect

Pharaoh the goose was a silver-tongued fowl
Who seemed to investors as wise as an owl
He offered the earth and he promised a dream
But Pharaoh the goose ran a pyramid scheme

Harriet the hippopotamus
Sailed off on a shippopotamus
Going on a trippopotamus
Bought it cheap – a snippopotamus

The leg of pork auditioned
For “Good Morning Vietnam”
But he didn’t get the part
Cos he was really just a ham

The boa developed a rash on his tummy
An ailment that makes him less brash and more chummy
He’s starving and can’t even scratch where it itches
He squeezes his prey but they leave him in stitches

The giraffe is in hospital, sick as can be
His feet in ward four and his body, ward three
His neck’s in the annexe (which doesn’t excite us)
The vet says his ailment’s acute laryngitis

Paul Russ the walrus is Oh! so chivallrous
The girls love his long Arctic nights
He’s courteous and brave
But the thing they most cr