Poems Archive

Airy the fairy has armpits so hairy
Strands get in the way of his wings
They flap in his face when he tries to embrace
And they tickle his throat when he sings

Vera bought some talking ointment
’Cos the silent tub was dearer
She thought it was a gimmick
So she screamed when it said, “ ’Allo Vera!”

The hedgehogs have a soccer team,
I was surprised to hear,
A pretty useful one that won
The forest league last year

While trotting round the neighbourhood,
I contemplated horses
Though saddled with a nagging wife,
There’s no equine divorces

McTavish played the bagpipes
And he played them very badly
All those who ever heard him would
Vituperate him madly

The orchid asked the baby goat
“Hey! little feller, what’s your name?”
“My name is Gotour Kidd, orchid
My dad, a painter, he’s to blame.*

In Bolivia, the soldiers stationed on the North-West border
Could not see o’er the wall their neighbours built to curb disorder
They tried a tower built of wood, a ladder made of rope
But they only solved their problem when they built a Peruscope

I put a pole inside my toilet
But the landlord in control
Went off to court, the judge agreed
“Your contract has not one loo pole!”

I met a man the other day
A luv’ly feller, I must say,
He spoke of opportunity –
Of earning with impunity

The largest fairy ever born
Lives far out in the jungle
Not far away from where our Mumbo
Made his famous bungle*