Poems Archive

The ant can make a tuneful noise
When squashed he doesn’t just go splat
It’s very soft, but listen close
You’ll hear it’s in the key B-flat

Janet the gannet has circled the planet
In search of her favourite dish
She’s eaten the meat ’n’ the fowl ’n’ the sweet ’n’
She’s finally chosen the ratatouille

Humbug the hippo skipped down to the pool
Desiring a dippo his tootsies to cool
When spying a lady he started to drool
They never told him about such things in school

Bert bodybuilder is obsessed
With all the muscles in his chest
He struts round topless for publicity
Exhibiting his pec-centricity

Billie the Bear feeling grumpy and moody
So lonely and tired, morose and só broody
The boars* had no clue ’bout romance and seduction
Reducing their chance of delish reproduction

I took issue with my pillow
When I couldn’t sleep last night
And I told it, “Please keep stillo
’Cause you’re making me uptight.”
But my headrest wouldn’t listen,
Kept on wriggling ’neath my ear
All the while prejudicin’
Beauty sleep which I hold dear.

Einstein and Chief Sitting Bull
(Whose middle name was ‘Talking’)
Were chatting about physics
(As they did when they went walking)

Bridget the midget while drunk had a dream
While plastered she plotted and stewed on a scheme
She looks up at tall people sneering a sneer
All day and all week and all month and all year

There’s not much hair upon my head
With age, I wondered where it goes
But then I realized instead
It plugs my ears and fills my nose

The beaver had his tail cut off
You might say he was fated
Instead of being normal length
He’s been abbeaverated