Poems Archive

The single guy found DIY stood for Duff It Yourself
When you have no shelf to sit on, it’s tough being on the shelf
Poor old Andy isn’t handy so he isn’t very popular
He tries to help the ladies but he still remains a botchelor

Paul Russ the walrus is Oh! so chivallrous
The girls love his long Arctic nights
He’s courteous and brave
But the thing they most cr

A testy teenage elephant
By name of Jezebelephant
Who wanted to rebelephant
Stopped washing – was a smellyphant

The sweet potato pondered his philosophy of life
The problems of existence and of evil caused him strife
Around and round his mind the questions churned ad nauseam
Until the day he read Descartes: “I think therefore I yam”

My leg wrote letters by the score
To penfriends male and female
But since he bought a laptop
He now sends them all a knee-mail

The bore stood on the burning deck
Pontificating proudly
His wife sat in the lifeboat and
She called out to him, loudly

Mel asked me, “Why’s your dog’s name Spot?
It should be Tar or Pitch instead!”
I answered, “I hear that a lot –
You see … he has a big black head.”

The coolest men’s club in the world
Is “Longitudeless Hades”
They’re famous for their beautiful
And acrobatic ladies

The time-piece on the wall annoyed
The inmates of the mental block
Because the thing was always right
They swapped it for a cuckoo clock

thieves broke in and stole my stuff
That would be turbulently tough
And so I’ve summoned to my place
Insurance salesman Justin Case