Poems Archive

Isaac Newton in the orchard sitting in the shade
Contemplated weighty stuff while drinking apple-ade
The gravity of worldly matters pulling at his frown
Attractive as they first appeared, they really got him down

The dentist and podiatrist
Will soon divorce, their love dismissed
What happened to their fairy tale?
They crushed it, fighting tooth and nail

In Stockholm, Bo, the crow enquired,
How far’s it to the steeple, Bjork?”
He answered, “Four miles if you fly
Or seven as the people walk.”

Is there rhubarb in the next world?
I should really like to know.
If there’s not it’s not worth dying
For I love my rhubarb so.

The chilli thinks he’s pretty hot
The carrot, she’s a jewel
The bean will string you any line
But cucumbers are cool

My mouse squeaks, it’s a beastly din
That ought to be unlawful
I tried some oil – it shut him up
But made the chips taste awful

In wintertime I caught a cold
And happy I was not
It’s funny, though, in summertime
I never catch a hot

Trapeze troupe artists Kate and Lyle
Performed their act, “The Helicopter”
Though dating sweetly for a while —
When she began to nag, he dropped ’er

I’m shorter now than yesterday
And lighter too, I think
Depressed ’cos I was overweight
I went to see a shrink

Humbug the hippo skipped down to the pool
Desiring a dippo his tootsies to cool
When spying a lady he started to drool
They never told him about such things in school