Poems Archive

I thought I sought a puddy tat
Until I owned Sylvester
Who stalked my c’nary day and night
Desiring to ingest ’er

The beaver had his tail cut off
You might say he was fated
Instead of being normal length
He’s been abbeaverated

Clara the Clairvoyant has
The most ginormous shiner
If you could see it you would say
You’ve never seen one finer

The single guy found DIY stood for Duff It Yourself
When you have no shelf to sit on, it’s tough being on the shelf
Poor old Andy isn’t handy so he isn’t very popular
He tries to help the ladies but he still remains a botchelor

A testy teenage elephant
By name of Jezebelephant
Who wanted to rebelephant
Stopped washing – was a smellyphant

The sweet potato pondered his philosophy of life
The problems of existence and of evil caused him strife
Around and round his mind the questions churned ad nauseam
Until the day he read Descartes: “I think therefore I yam”

My leg wrote letters by the score
To penfriends male and female
But since he bought a laptop
He now sends them all a knee-mail

The bore stood on the burning deck
Pontificating proudly
His wife sat in the lifeboat and
She called out to him, loudly

The coolest men’s club in the world
Is “Longitudeless Hades”
They’re famous for their beautiful
And acrobatic ladies

The planet’s top seismologists
Were gathered in L.A.
The upper crust geologists
Had come to have their say