Poems Archive

Graham Grape was being tortured
Pressed for answers by the swine
Though squeezed to death he told them nothing
He just let out a little whine

The young man had his teeth knocked out
Before he was apprenticed
So they bandaged him to stem the blood
And took him to the dentist

The bore stood on the burning deck
Pontificating proudly
His wife sat in the lifeboat and
She called out to him, loudly

Ed Elf is unconventional
A dreadlocked vegetarian
He started smoking dope
When he became a Rastafairyan

Chris the crustacean
Is filled with frustration
He thinks that his lot is quite shabby
With eyes on a stalk

Isaac Newton in the orchard sitting in the shade
Contemplated weighty stuff while drinking apple-ade
The gravity of worldly matters pulling at his frown
Attractive as they first appeared, they really got him down

Einstein and Chief Sitting Bull
(Whose middle name was ‘Talking’)
Were chatting about physics
(As they did when they went walking)

Down in the veggie garden
Said a plant, “I beg your pardon,
I’ve a dream and you are not supposed to mock it
How I’d love to claim my place

Jeppard E Leopard is making a packet
As well as a dreadful cacophonous racket
He founded a rock band – the name is a snappy ’un
They’re known in the jungle as Def Homo Sapien

Silv’rilocks knocked on the door
Though why she did, I’m not quite sure,
At ninety, she’s as deaf as wood
(Nor would she listen if she could)