Poems Archive

It just isn’t true that I wish you were dead
I wish you perpetual anguish instead
A lifetime of watching and waiting in dread
While the Bluebird of Damocles nests ’bove your head!

McTavish played the bagpipes
And he played them very badly
All those who ever heard him would
Vituperate him madly

The envelope, who’d served his seven years in Zenda jail,
When leaving, stamped Frank on the chest and caused his heart to fail
The judge addressed the culprit, “Sir, you are no first offender
I sentence you to fifteen more. Be gone! Return to Zenda!”

Joszef the froggy was feeling quite groggy
He’d just had a look at his genealoggy
His forebears, from Warsaw, were royal and soulish
And when he was young he did feel a tad Polish

The movie director — a terrible grouch —
Said, “I’ll give you the part on the casting couch.”
The actress thought he — what a silly mistake! —
Meant fishing for trout on a seat by the lake

The baby bees hived off to find another home to buzz in
In single file they flew, there must have been about three duzzin
“We must learn to fly together,” called out Lightyear, hale and hearty,
“So tomorrow we will gather for our first How Swarming party!”

The platypus appears confused
By evolution’s wit bemused
And nature proves with this hiccup
You can’t evolve when downside up

Your newt’s ugly
My newt’s cute
Your newt’s huge
My newt’s minute

The tiger thought, “I’d like a snack:
Some biccies and a cuppa
And then I’ll sikh a bigger meal
And I’ll Singh for my supper

Cleaver the beaver’s an underachiever
While others work hard, he was born parasitic
His cutting indictment of logging’s excitement
He says, is a part of his job as a critic