Poems Archive

Tiger, tiger, burning bright
Who the heck set you alight?
Fi-ery from tail to snout
Will someone put that darned cat out?

The palm tree isn’t married
And he doesn’t want a mate
He’s never short of company
He’s always got a date

The asp, escaping from its cage
Attacked an elk while on the loose
Surprisingly, the snake expired
Because the elk was venomoose

I tried to write a poem, trite,
But thoughts profound plagued me all night
As wit and wisdom made me stumble
I wrote, instead, one meek and humble

The high and lofty eagle
Looks majestic and so regal
But I’m told it is illegal
If you feed one with a beagle

A pugilistic hermit crab
By name: Napoleontius
Was knocked clean out his shell one day
No, no, not dead — unconchous

(To the tune of the original)

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Visited his therapist
Three times a week he saw him

They’ll plane your planes and sand your beech
Your cherry tree they’ll make a peach
They’ll spruce your spruce till it looks fine
And make your stinkwood smell like pine

The fortune-teller and his girl
Decided to elope
His three small brats they left behind
How will the horrors cope?

The cows went to a moooovie
But they found it quite bemoooosing
The Teenage Mooootant Ninja Turtles –
Not at all amoooosing