Poems Archive

Daniel Nutz resigned his post
With that old job he got too bored
He took employment washing cats
And changed his name to Claude

Harriet the hippopotamus
Sailed off on a shippopotamus
Going on a trippopotamus
Bought it cheap – a snippopotamus

Mrs Claus, fed up one day
Complained, “I’ve had enough!
You’re jolly in the grotto, but
With me you’re always gruff

Two residents of Warsaw wed
With nought in common so she fled
So different and cold of heart
It’s clear the two were Poles apart

The pelican flew very low
When landing in the pan
The ducks all dived for cover
When their leader shouted, “Man!”

The Queen of household cleaners
Wed the famous potter King
Their amorous demeanours
Spawned their offspring Prince Char Ming

Morty Fied groped Billie Uss
And Billie Uss slapped Morty Fide
So Morty Fide felt bilious
And Billie Uss felt mortified

Sparrow Hood is not as famous
As his elder brother
Nor as colourful a character,
So says his mother

Rex and Ann are ultra-thin
They diet to get sexier
They’re skin ’n’ bone, and when they phone
They say, “It’s Ann ’n’ Rex ’ere!”

Numskull the gull is abysmally dull
I told him today that I keep-a-bull
In my shop in Beijing selling pottery – Ming –
He believed me – that bird is so peoplible!