Poems Archive

Fleming, the lemming, was roundly condemning
The practice preventing his species from thriving
He called for the banning of family planning
And annual bouts of community diving

My sister was an oddball
Ever since she was a tot
And she has these wild ideas
Of what she is and what she’s not

The world’s greatest pickpocket, Gaudy the gecko
Is faster than sound, disappears like an echo
When asked what he looks like, no memory lingers
It pays to blend in when you have sticky fingers
 

“I don’t like lambs, I don’t like sheep,”
The milkmaid, Marge, was heard to mutter
“But offer me a baby goat …
I love a little butter!”

My name is Polly Tishun
And I’m known for being vague,
And making empty promises
From Sydney to the Hague;
I travel long and far and wide
Your precious vote to woo,
And tell you things I know will please
But never plan to do.

The mushroom, rope around his stalk
– And far too terrified to talk –
Jumped off the bridge his heart a-thumping
And launched the fad called fungi-jumping

“Come on, darling, eat your porridge
It will make you strong, my son!”
It’s not my fault it tastes horridge

I think I’ll never hear nor see
A person who’s worse off than me
And so I’ll close my ears and eyes
To other people’s tears and sighs.

Beth banana lost her court case
But she got a real raw deal
So she bared her skin before the judge
And won it on appeal

My wife demanded floating shelves
Now she says I’m a dork
I don’t know why she’s so upset —
I made them out of cork