Poems Archive

I bought myself a dachshund, which
I thought was rather clever
No, not the dog, the choice I made,
The dog’s the dumbest ever

When the wooden legged Czech
Felt the woodenpecker’s peck
He beseeched and urged and wailed and wept and begged him;
But the ’pecker, though he heard,

’Arry the adder, on top of the ladder
’Ad ’ad a surprise and been jolted
He got such a fright that he closed his eyes tight
And, without looking where, ’Arry bolted

A parrot living by itself
You might say lives in solitude
But if it flocked with other birds
Would you class that as pollytude?

Two hundred eggs
Laid by one turtle?
I think she can
Be classed as furtle!

The hedgehogs have a soccer team,
I was surprised to hear,
A pretty useful one that won
The forest league last year

The tiny town of Elle-on-Sea in winter is chaotic
The unexpected happens all the time, and the exotic,
Impossible, illogical, the fanciful as well –
You never know what’s coming on a freezing day in Elle

Airy the fairy has armpits so hairy
Strands get in the way of his wings
They flap in his face when he tries to embrace
And they tickle his throat when he sings

When I go out to dinner
Snails are not my fav’rite pita
I much prefer fast foods
So I’ll most often order cheetah

The advertisers tell us if
We buy their brand of cigarettes
We’ll soon be plagued by pretty girls
Blonde bombshells, redheads and brunettes