Poems Archive

An infant kangaroopium
When born is Lilliputian
I think it looks peculium
Ensconced in its marsupium

The pelican flew very low
When landing in the pan
The ducks all dived for cover
When their leader shouted, “Man!”

Ida the spider with cider inside ’er
Spins webs that make all other spiders deride ’er
Though Clyde tried to guide ’er and Di’d often chide ’er
She’s prideless with cider inside ’er insides

The platypus appears confused
By evolution’s wit bemused
And nature proves with this hiccup
You can’t evolve when downside up

Down in the veggie garden
Said a plant, “I beg your pardon,
I’ve a dream and you are not supposed to mock it
How I’d love to claim my place

Harriet the hippopotamus
Sailed off on a shippopotamus
Going on a trippopotamus
Bought it cheap – a snippopotamus

The giraffe is in hospital, sick as can be
His feet in ward four and his body, ward three
His neck’s in the annexe (which doesn’t excite us)
The vet says his ailment’s acute laryngitis

Little Red Riding Hood saw an optician
In response to the woodcutter’s fervent petition
The resemblance is not what you’d label ‘uncanny’
But she can’t tell a great hairy wolf from her granny

I think I’ll beat my child tonight
I must find some excuse
It makes me feel so powerful
When meting out abuse

Wow! super hairdo, stunning smile
Those eyes can make men quaver
You’re what we call in Lancashire
A smashing little raver