Poems Archive

Buzz Buzzard and the buzzy bee
(Called Aldrin) met high in a tree
The bee said to the buzzard, “Buzz”
The buzzard wuz surprised beecuzz

Martin, the swallow, flew low in a hollow
While eyeing a green millipede
He swallowed it swiftly, the bug went down miffedly
Declaring he soon would be freed

Pat Eller, deep in gambling debt
Was tortured in the cellar
They broke his knee, he wasn’t fazed
He had a spare, Pat Eller

What would you do
If I said, “Mice go moo!”
Would you madly miaow like a mule
Or guffaw like a goat
From the back of your throat
And emphatically call me a fool?

The packet said the tablets were for infertility
So the beauty pageant entrant thought, “That’s how I want to be”
The quins are due before the leaves begin their fall defection
And she’s brooding on the issue of her crowning “Miss Conception”

The young man had his teeth knocked out
Before he was apprenticed
So they bandaged him to stem the blood
And took him to the dentist

Camille the chameleon, changing her skin-tone,
Rides round on the shoulder of Angus McFinnbone
Although he adores her it’s apt to dishearten
His pet when he puts on the family tartan

There’s not much hair upon my head
With age, I wondered where it goes
But then I realized instead
It plugs my ears and fills my nose

In leopards’ church the members choose
Their seats when they are tots
They sit there their whole lives because
They cannot change their spots

The psychiatrist philosophized
About his fruitful life
Four children and ten grandkids
And his ever-faithful wife