Poems Archive

I’m shorter now than yesterday
And lighter too, I think
Depressed ’cos I was overweight
I went to see a shrink

Humbug the hippo skipped down to the pool
Desiring a dippo his tootsies to cool
When spying a lady he started to drool
They never told him about such things in school

Doug the half a doughnut
Said, “I do not like cocónut
But I sing when icing’s spread upon my bonnet
And this front half of a doughnut

Wow! super hairdo, stunning smile
Those eyes can make men quaver
You’re what we call in Lancashire
A smashing little raver

A tubby tabby, Tibbles,
Has a chronic case of nibbles
So he eats at eight and every hour thereafter
As he walks along the street

Graham Grape was being tortured
Pressed for answers by the swine
Though squeezed to death he told them nothing
He just let out a little whine

Pontius the pilot was flying his plane
From Vigo to Gijon and all over Spain
Wherever he flew it, it started to rain
Which nearly drove Pontius, our pilot, insane

When the beasts were created
Nobody debated
Whether He who designed ’em
Could p’rhaps have refined ’em

He waltzed around the winger
Struck the striker dumb with skill
Reminiscent of a Pele
Or a Zico from Brazil

Mr Carson, trainee parson
Spends his nights committing arson
He tells me he cannot endure it
But cannot find a way to curate