Poems Archive

Wow! super hairdo, stunning smile
Those eyes can make men quaver
You’re what we call in Lancashire
A smashing little raver

Mumbo the jumbo’s a bit of a dumbo
Though elephants shouldn’t, he’s apt to forget
Why, two weeks last Thursday he missed his wife’s birthday –
She hasn’t forgiven him yet!

The sheepdog trials of northern Wales
Were held in Aberspiltie
The dogs have all been rounded up
The judge’s verdict: “Guilty!”

Old King Coal was a scrawny old pol-
ar type bear with black hair and bright eyes
The blame for his wasting away can be placed
On his fatuous flair for disguise

Poor Key the pig has locks of hair
That flourish in his larynx
He lost his voice six weeks ago
For reasons now apparynx

Bert bodybuilder is obsessed
With all the muscles in his chest
He struts round topless for publicity
Exhibiting his pec-centricity

Two residents of Warsaw wed
With nought in common so she fled
So different and cold of heart
It’s clear the two were Poles apart

As a snail I’m never lonely
Company I never lack
With mi cordial compan-i-on
Michelle upon mi back

The time-piece on the wall annoyed
The inmates of the mental block
Because the thing was always right
They swapped it for a cuckoo clock

“At last that promotion!” Luigi was thinking
A torch at the end of the warehouse was blinking
The Mafia soon would arrive with their booty
And Sicily’s sergeant was doing his duty