Poems Archive

Jake, the drake, was the Lord of the Lake
Who had made all his money in scent
He whipped up a fragrance no duck could resist
And he flogged it wherever he went

Morty Fied groped Billie Uss
And Billie Uss slapped Morty Fide
So Morty Fide felt bilious
And Billie Uss felt mortified

Lagga the quagga is stoned out on dagga
Extinction? Such rumours he thinks are a farce –
It wasn’t the hunting put paid to his grunting
But chewing the wrong kind of grass

Pharaoh the goose was a silver-tongued fowl
Who seemed to investors as wise as an owl
He offered the earth and he promised a dream
But Pharaoh the goose ran a pyramid scheme

The leg of pork auditioned
For “Good Morning Vietnam”
But he didn’t get the part
Cos he was really just a ham

Paul Russ the walrus is Oh! so chivallrous
The girls love his long Arctic nights
He’s courteous and brave
But the thing they most cr

Cadger the badger was badgering Madge – a
Cute lady – to close out his bachelor days
But she wants him to dig her a spanking new home
And he’s terribly sett in his ways

Morty Fied groped Billie Uss
And Billie Uss slapped Morty Fide
So Morty Fide felt bilious
And Billie Uss felt mortified

“I beg your pardon,” sang the frog
In a clear melodious note,
“I cannot croak because I’ve got
A human in my throat!”

A turnip squared Can't be compared So I won't.