Poems Archive

A roll of the eyes and a shake of the head
Are a poetic punmaker’s butter and bread
The louder the groaning, the broader my grin
My Loonyverse beckons, why wait? Come on in!
 

The hare developed cancer
And his fam’ly were appalled
But, though cured by chemotherapy,
The hapless hare’s now bald!

William fled the army
When they held a shooting drill
He ran for cover when the sergeant
Shouted, “FIRE AT WILL!”

Mitten the kitten is head-over smitten
She’s fallen in love with a plush Mickey Mouse
It’s soft as her belly and lives on the telly
The warmestest spot in the house

Sue Ting, the tailor, made her clothing
Lonely, jealous, filled with loathing
Her sister, May, is always dating
How she wished that she were May Ting

It just isn’t true that I wish you were dead
I wish you perpetual anguish instead
A lifetime of watching and waiting in dread
While the Bluebird of Damocles nests ’bove your head!

Fil the phlamingo conphessed at the meeting
“It’s phrying my farynx, this upside down eating
A phriend oph mine says, iph we phurnish our blessing
He’ll open a phabulous pelicatessen!”

Mr Carson, trainee parson
Spends his nights committing arson
He tells me he cannot endure it
But cannot find a way to curate

“Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra
Too-ra-loo-ra-li
WAKE UP YOU STUPID BABY!”
Now that’s an Irish lullaby

Numskull the gull is abysmally dull
I told him today that I keep-a-bull
In my shop in Beijing selling pottery – Ming –
He believed me – that bird is so peoplible!