Poems Archive

Stephanie the starving stripper
Will doff her T-shirt for a kipper
For mutton chops no skirt she’ll wear
A steak removes her brassiere ..

I bought a book on helium
It really made me frown
The darned thing kept me up all night –
I couldn’t put it down!

When I sit and I picture the little blind mole, he
Is down in the darkness ensconced in the hole
He has dug since the day he was born
And I wouldn’t have known that he lives in his tunnels

The diff’rence between hot and cold
Milk? Really! That’s an easy ’un
The hot comes from a jersey cow
The cold comes from a Friesian

Buzz Buzzard and the buzzy bee
(Called Aldrin) met high in a tree
The bee said to the buzzard, “Buzz”
The buzzard wuz surprised beecuzz

Martin, the swallow, flew low in a hollow
While eyeing a green millipede
He swallowed it swiftly, the bug went down miffedly
Declaring he soon would be freed

Pat Eller, deep in gambling debt
Was tortured in the cellar
They broke his knee, he wasn’t fazed
He had a spare, Pat Eller

What would you do
If I said, “Mice go moo!”
Would you madly miaow like a mule
Or guffaw like a goat
From the back of your throat
And emphatically call me a fool?

The packet said the tablets were for infertility
So the beauty pageant entrant thought, “That’s how I want to be”
The quins are due before the leaves begin their fall defection
And she’s brooding on the issue of her crowning “Miss Conception”

The young man had his teeth knocked out
Before he was apprenticed
So they bandaged him to stem the blood
And took him to the dentist