Poems Archive

Woody the woodpecker started to pout
Fed up with wood-wood-wood day in and day out
“It beggars belief that this life could excite,
I cannot endure it, this bark has no bite!

I read the paper in the loo
When I have nothing else to do
A pastime boring as can be
’Cos loo paper is blank, you see

When Madeleina’s boy grew veggies
On a patch ten by ten
Musicians came and trampled it;
Irate, she screamed, “What’s this, then?”

The butcher’s wife raged through their shop
A single-minded holocaust
She took all of his sausages
And left — now he’s de-wors-ed

I stole some eggs the other day
When on the farmland I encroached
I’m thinking scrambled, maybe fried
The wife is saying poached

The greatest golfer in the world
Was born in north Taiwan
A little birdie told me that
His name is Ho Lin Wann

A roll of the eyes and a shake of the head
Are a poetic punmaker’s butter and bread
The louder the groaning, the broader my grin
My Loonyverse beckons, why wait? Come on in!
 

The hare developed cancer
And his fam’ly were appalled
But, though cured by chemotherapy,
The hapless hare’s now bald!

William fled the army
When they held a shooting drill
He ran for cover when the sergeant
Shouted, “FIRE AT WILL!”

Mitten the kitten is head-over smitten
She’s fallen in love with a plush Mickey Mouse
It’s soft as her belly and lives on the telly
The warmestest spot in the house