Poems Archive

The sheepdog trials of northern Wales
Were held in Aberspiltie
The dogs have all been rounded up
The judge’s verdict: “Guilty!”

Little Red Riding Hood saw an optician
In response to the woodcutter’s fervent petition
The resemblance is not what you’d label ‘uncanny’
But she can’t tell a great hairy wolf from her granny

The planet’s top seismologists
Were gathered in L.A.
The upper crust geologists
Had come to have their say

“Another damning scandal looms”
Reports this morning’s Fable Times
Is there no end to winning’s greed?
So many stoop to sporting crimes!

“What happened to the unicorn?”
My daughter asked with face forlorn
And then began to sob and mourn
(She’s been like this since she was born)

Cudd the bear (whose middle name was Lee)
Lay dozing in her lair
While musing ’bout her cousin
Fuzzy Wuzzy with no hair

I was sitting in my flat this afternoon – OK lying on the bed having a catnap – when I saw something move outside on the balcony. And as I live on the third floor, I thought to myself, “Self, that’s very odd! It must be a cat-burglar, come to steal my cat.”

He used to be their best detective
At spotting clues, their most effective
But now his reputation’s blighted
Inspector Culls is too short-sighted

Big Maroon Wheelchairinghood
Has eyesight that is far from good
It was, the reader may recall
Quite awful, too, when she was small

Tassie Tern caused consternation
With her lack of conversation
She wed a mute, to which her brother
Said, “One dumb tern deserves another”