Poems Archive

The diff’rence between hot and cold
Milk? Really! That’s an easy ’un
The hot comes from a jersey cow
The cold comes from a Friesian

William fled the army
When they held a shooting drill
He ran for cover when the sergeant
Shouted, “FIRE AT WILL!”

I read the paper in the loo
When I have nothing else to do
A pastime boring as can be
’Cos loo paper is blank, you see

The dentist with his chair and drill
Can make you shudder; feel quite ill
So next time you must visit there
Munch garlic first and perm his hair!

The smallest bird that ever flew?
A fascinating topic!
It isn’t the bee humming bird**
In truth, it’s my crow, Scopic

When you see a giraffe who is starting to laugh
You can’t help but join in, it’s contagious
Cos his skinny legs shake till you think that they’ll break
And his wobbling head looks outrageous

The sexiest plumber you ever laid eyes on
Is living in Poole in East Dorset
Her bushy blonde hair and long legs with great thighs on
Have earned her the name Farrah Faucet

Woody the woodpecker started to pout
Fed up with wood-wood-wood day in and day out
“It beggars belief that this life could excite,
I cannot endure it, this bark has no bite!

The catamaran chased the mouseamaran
All over the bay till he caught her
So the mouseamaran called the dogamaran
And begged him to come and to thwart her

I dated one summer a lady named Susan
Whose father, a drunkard, was oftentimes bruisin’
Her mother and her for no rhyme or good reason
But all the year round it was “broad-beating season”.
At first I could not understand her distraction
Until I found out, then I sprang into action