Poems Archive

The bull was in a shop in China
Breaking items with impunity
He told the cops there’s nothing finer
Than diplomatic-style immoooonity

The altos are eagerly drawn to a brawl
The basses are touched and they’re climbing the wall
The trebles see double, they too are a menace
So the choir’s for sale – anybody for tenors?

Herman the hermit has purchased a permit
(By post) from a French civil servant called Kermit
He’s building a fence half as high as the Eiffel
And sitting and watching it, armed with a rifle

In leopards’ church the members choose
Their seats when they are tots
They sit there their whole lives because
They cannot change their spots

Martin, the swallow, flew low in a hollow
While eyeing a green millipede
He swallowed it swiftly, the bug went down miffedly
Declaring he soon would be freed

Rowena Hyena scoffed, “That’s just a rumour
Who says that our species has no sense of humour?
We find death so funny we’re always heard laughing
While bucking or gnuing or even giraffing

The leg of pork auditioned
For “Good Morning Vietnam”
But he didn’t get the part
Cos he was really just a ham

Humpty Dumpty, showing agility
Jumped up on a wall to parade his virility
He wanted to show off his delectability
To heck with decorum and respectability

Isaac Newton in the orchard sitting in the shade
Contemplated weighty stuff while drinking apple-ade
The gravity of worldly matters pulling at his frown
Attractive as they first appeared, they really got him down

The dentist and podiatrist
Will soon divorce, their love dismissed
What happened to their fairy tale?
They crushed it, fighting tooth and nail