Poems Archive

Her lovers kiss her mouth, her neck
Their lips, impassioned, downward hie
But when they kiss her navel base
they all turn up their toes and die

Sometimes when deep in thought and musing
Life seems backward and confusing
It happens mostly, I detect
When on mirrors I reflect

Patrick pig droned on and on
Relating stories of the war*
His stymied wives snored on and on
He really was a dreadful boar

A tubby tabby, Tibbles,
Has a chronic case of nibbles
So he eats at eight and every hour thereafter
As he walks along the street

The boa developed a rash on his tummy
An ailment that makes him less brash and more chummy
He’s starving and can’t even scratch where it itches
He squeezes his prey but they leave him in stitches

Candy the cat said to Randy the rat
We should go into business together
You round up the mice – three or four would be nice
And we’ll feast like two birds of a feather

Can I pull the wool over your eyes?
Will you cotton on to my stunt?
’Twill be a surprise if you get it
’Cos denim is mined back to front

The sheepdog, tired of work said, “I
Could live much better in the sty
I’d lie all day in mud and sleep
And never see another sheep!”

Did you ever see anything zanier
Than these marsupials from Tasmania?
They sit on their haunches
And thrust out their paunches
With snouts that a crowd o’

Jeppard E Leopard is making a packet
As well as a dreadful cacophonous racket
He founded a rock band – the name is a snappy ’un
They’re known in the jungle as Def Homo Sapien